if he wanted to, he would

but Allah always does ♡ — on decentering men and finding true fulfilment

you thought you weren’t enough. you thought love should feel like you’re constantly chasing, constantly proving. you gave pieces of yourself and hoped he would match your energy. but now, you know better. he didn’t want to. he wasn’t meant to.

you see, when a man truly wants to be with you, he will move mountains. there will be no confusion, no half hearted love, no uncertainty. a man in love, or should i say a man serious about you, will not let silence or distance speak louder than his intentions. his actions will match his words, and you won’t be left questioning your worth. but if he couldn’t do that, it’s because he wasn’t the one written for you. and that’s where the mercy of Allah shows up most. because even when someone doesn’t choose you, Allah still does.

there will be a moment where you finally realise that no matter how much you gave, no matter how much you loved, the other person simply didn’t want to give it back. and that moment will pierce the soul. you’ve spent months, maybe even years, building up a love in your heart, only to watch it slowly fade. and this in itself is one of the most excruciating experiences we can endure. but in that pain, there’s a lesson. it’s just up to you whether or not you choose to see it.

at first, you can’t help but question everything. you wonder what you did wrong. you wonder if it was something about you — your words, your actions, the way you loved.

but let’s stop right there.

you are not the problem. you never were. you gave your heart in the purest form, expecting the same in return, but sometimes, that’s not what life offers. and that’s okay. because Allah knows what you deserve.

you are not a side character in anyone else’s story. you don’t exist to fill someone else’s void. your worth is not contingent on someone else’s validation. and yet, we’ve been socialised to believe that it is. we’ve been told, directly and indirectly, that our happiness is incomplete without a man — that without someone else affirming our worth, we’re not enough.

stop.

the truth is harsher than that, but you need to hear it:

if he wanted to, he would.

period.

for far too long, we’ve put men on a pedestal, measured our self-worth by how they treat us, and pined over what they didn’t give.

and no, i’m not saying it’s wrong to want to be loved. after all, we’re conditioned to feel this way and love is a beautiful thing…

but PLEASE, stop waiting for someone to define your value. when we give so much of ourselves to someone who doesn’t appreciate it, we cheapen our worth. it’s not about bitterness, it’s about understanding that the right love for you will never make you feel like you’re chasing, begging, or competing for affection.

men come and go. love from them can be conditional and inconsistent, but Allah’s love is unconditional and everlasting. when we make the mistake of centering men, we forsake the love that matters most. because even when someone doesn’t choose you, Allah still does.

you’ve been chasing validation from someone who isn’t even sure of himself. that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. but it’s time to reclaim your worth. it’s time to stop making men the centre of your life and start placing Allah at the heart of your being.

because if he wanted to, he would. but Allah always does.

and yes, i know how much it hurts. unreciprocated love is more than just disappointment. it can feel like an entire chapter of your life was written in the wrong book. you invested so much time and energy, nurturing something that never had the chance to fully progress into something more. you may have thought that with enough patience, enough understanding, enough love, things would change. but no matter how much you gave, it was never enough — not for him, at least. and that feeling of being overlooked can leave you questioning your worth.

in your mind, you might tell yourself, “maybe if i had been more patient, maybe if i had been more understanding…” but those thoughts are just your heart trying to hold onto something that isn’t meant to be. when you love someone, you give them parts of yourself: your time, your care, your energy. and it feels like the most natural thing in the world to hope that they’ll give those things back to you. but love isn’t always that simple, especially when it’s one-sided.

and yet, the most profound realisation comes when you let go of this notion: your worth is not defined by someone else’s inability to love you back.

Allah has already written your story. He knows the trials that will come your way, the heartbreaks you will endure, and He knows the love that is meant for you. sometimes, the hardest lesson to learn is that not all love is meant to be your love. sometimes, someone else’s inability to love you is Allah’s way of protecting your heart, from what would’ve hurt you in the long run, from a love that was never meant for you.

the Quran reminds us:

“and it is He who created you from one soul, and made its mate” (4:1)

your soulmate was always meant to be in the plans Allah designed for you. and this pain you feel? it’s part of the healing process. the heartache is a part of the journey to the love that’s meant to be yours — the love that will make sense of all the hurt you’ve experienced.

when you’re grappling with unreciprocated love, it can feel like you're drowning in unanswered questions. you may wonder how things went wrong or why you couldn’t be enough. but in those very moments of hurt, there’s a gift waiting for you: the chance to turn back to Allah.

when everything around you feels uncertain, when people and relationships fail to provide the validation you long for, it’s in these moments that du’a becomes your refuge.

in these moments, du’a becomes a conversation. a conversation with the One who knows you better than anyone else. when you’re questioning your worth, when your heart aches, turn to Allah. pour out your heart in du’a. ask for healing, for clarity, and for the strength to move forward. Allah listens, and He responds.

Allah’s love is not conditional. it is not tied to how well you perform, how much you give, or how many times you feel abandoned by those around you. Allah’s love is constant, pure, and unconditional. and when you turn to him in du’a, you’re not asking for validation from a temporary source; you’re reaching out to the Creator who has always loved you, and who will always guide you.

“call upon Me, and I will respond to you.” (40:60)

that response may not come in the way you expect, but rest assured, it will be exactly what you need. and when you allow your heart to trust Allah’s wisdom, the hurt from unreciprocated love will slowly fade, and will be replaced by the peace that comes with surrender.

detachment doesn’t mean you don’t care. it means you understand that your worth is not bound to anyone’s affections. it means that you can release the expectation of someone else’s love and trust that Allah’s plan is far greater than anything you could have imagined. sometimes, we cling to people, relationships, or things because we believe they’re what we need to feel whole. but we’re already whole. we’re already loved.

and in that love, we find everything we need to heal.

you thought you weren’t enough. you thought love should feel like you’re constantly chasing, constantly proving. you gave pieces of yourself and hoped he would match your energy. but now, you know better. he didn’t want to. he wasn’t meant to.

and that’s okay. because Allah always does.

when the world feels heavy and when the heartbreak seems unbearable, remember that you are not defined by anyone else’s love. you are not defined by how others see you. your worth comes from Allah, the One who knows you inside and out, who created you for a purpose, and who loves you beyond measure.

let go of the love that is not meant for you. trust in Allah’s plan, and believe that what He has in store for you is better than anything you could have imagined. there’s no need to chase, to prove, or to question. if it’s meant to be, it will be. but first, make sure you’re aligned with the love of the One who never lets you go.

because if he wanted to, he would. but Allah always does.

and that, my dear, is all you need.

love, imaan x

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